scared

Today we head back to Mayo.  This appointment has been on the books for 2 months or so, but we have talked very little about it. I think the reality of what we might hear at this appointment is too much to think about.  There's no way of knowing what will happen, how we will react, or what comes next. We have to hope for the best...but I, of course, am always hesitant to "get my hopes up".  Like being hopeful for good news will somehow make the bad news worse?
I hugged my boys and told them I loved them before they went to school this morning. I held back my tears and tried to act like this was nbd - just heading up to Rochester for a couple of days. I could feel it in their hugs tho...what a heavy load they are carrying. The uncertainty.  I've been a mess ever since they left. God i love them so much.

And now i've been staring at this screen for 20 minutes. Wiping away tears. I don't know what else to say.

I'm trying hard to cling to these words:

Be strong and courageous; do not be frightened or dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.      Joshua 1:9

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.     Isaiah  41:10