the fight continues

Well, as it turns out, Mother Nature had other plans the night of the dinner/dance - cancelled due to snow and ice.  Bummer. Thankfully, I have great neighbors and a family room big enough to dance in.  And that's all I'm gonna say about that.  :)

As most of you probably know from my Facebook post we made the trip to Mayo.  It is a humbling place to be for sure. I was reduced to tears as we waited for our seats for dinner by the number of people who are being wheeled around in wheel chairs. The reality of that place and the reason people are there is hard. And there are so. many. people there. Heartbreaking.
We (Ben, my sister Mia and I) spent a lot of time in a little room waiting for the doctors.  We met with a Fellow first, and then met with him and the oncologist. Both good doctors with lots of questions.  One of the questions the Fellow asked was why I was there? The response that immediately came into my head (but not out of my mouth) was, "because i don't want to die and i'm hoping you can save me".  Oof.

So, the news wasn't great.  The tumor hasn't changed....which really sucks cause the chemo sure has been kicking my ass! I was hoping it was kicking the tumor's ass as well. I tend to focus on the negative here...the tumor hasn't shrunk.  But if you want to look on the bright side...the tumor hasn't gotten any bigger either.
They want to try a different chemo regimen.  It would involve a new medication (a variation of a medication i reacted to earlier) and a more intense schedule. They would like me to try 4 weeks on, 2 weeks off.  Knowing how sick i get, this is pretty daunting for me. They are reducing (slightly) the amount of one of the meds and are hoping that maybe it will result in my not being quite as sick. Also might try a couple new nausea meds (fingers crossed). They are hoping this new med combo along with the intense schedule might work to shrink the tumor.  If it turns out that I just can't tolerate the meds for that long, they will back off to the every other week schedule i'm on now.

There is an ever-so-slight chance of surgery. They talked to a surgeon who told them that normally, he would not consider doing surgery. They do this kind of thing for pancreatic cancer patients, but not for metastatic colon cancer. However, because I am so young and in decent shape, he will consider it.  Of course there is an IF... they want me to have a PET/CT scan (which I would have to do up there).  IF it comes back clean, then he would consider surgery.  However, if it shows there is "disease" other places in my body, then he will not consider it.  They also really need the tumor to shrink.  He mentioned the possibility of radiation, but it was just a brief comment so I'm not really sure on that.  He also made it a point to tell me more than once that regardless...the surgery is VERY high risk.

There you have it.

The news of the unchanged tumor and of more chemo sent me into a downward spiral. It was a tough couple of days following the appointment. I'm feeling a little better, mentally, today. I'm having abdominal pain again, which is irritating (and painful). However, I'm ready to jump into this fight again. Get chemo started and hope and pray that the tumor responds to the new med.

I can't tell you how much I appreciate everyone praying so hard for me and my family. If you ever think "i wish there was something I could do"....send up a prayer.