count those blessings (warning: religious(ish) post. not apologizing, just a heads up)

I'm almost done with my 2 week break...which stinks. I'm enjoying feeling somewhat normal. Having a little more energy. Not feeling sick. This break was much needed and i'm trying to cherish every normal-feeling moment of it.  But all good things must end i suppose (boo). I've got today and tomorrow, so I will keep my head up and try not to think too much about Thursday and the 4 weeks to come.

So what fun things have I done with myself over this break? Oh you know...there's always cleaning and laundry, which aren't exactly "fun" but the fact that I can do them on my own is pretty nice. Getting a little organization done here and there (and NO, i'm not watching Tidy Up or whatever it's called and I'm not asking myself if things "spark joy"...dear Lord don't even get me started...)
I even did a little baking!

Enjoying watching my boys play basketball - although last weekend would have been the only weekend I got to go watch Charlie and his games got cancelled, so that was a bit of a bummer. Enjoying their happiness that I'm not stuck in bed feeling like crap.  Really guys...their joy in having me being ME is so apparent and clear it's almost heartbreaking.

We had a fun night with friends playing games and cards (yay!!) and i even got to have a few drinks!  NORMALCY!! If you are able to - on any given evening - enjoy time with friends, go for a drink, go to a movie with your spouse/partner, just have a little "night out"..... appreciate the hell out of it. Please.
And while you're at it, appreciate the hell out of just feeling GOOD. Tis the season of resolutions and people trying to lose weight because yikes summer is coming and we all better get ready for those bathing suits....i ask you to stop.right.there.

Do you feel good - like not sick all the time?  REJOICE
Can you move around your house without getting completely exhausted?  REJOICE
Can you do your own cleaning and laundry and be there for your kids?  REJOICE
Can you say "yes, we would love to meet you for dinner"?  REJOICE
Can you look at your schedule and think "this is a busy week! we will be at (insert events, meetings, etc here) - but we can make it all work. We will get to all of those things" ?  REJOICE
Can you go to the gym and get some exercise because it's good for you and makes you feel good?  OMGosh....REJOICE!  You don't know what I'd give to be able to do the smallest bit of exercise!!

So - obviously - i'm asking you to take a look around and be thankful for what you've got and for your health and for family and all of the busyness etc etc.  I am reminded daily of how incredibly blessed I am. Which might seem weird to say since cancer isn't much of a blessing.  Maybe i'm more aware of all the things I have to be thankful for?  Not a day goes by that i don't think "my God...thank you for blessing me in so. many. ways."

I challenge all of you - before you go to sleep at night - stop and think about the BLESSINGS that happened that day. Ask yourself, what is one thing that happened today that I'm thankful for (and i'm guessing you will be able to come up with more than one, but it's a good starting point :)  )
I think, maybe, if we start to count our blessings...we will start to realize how many there really are.

If you are reading this blog, it's because you love and care about me. And THAT is an enormous blessing that I am so thankful for.

I'm thankful every day for all of you and I mean that from the bottom of my heart.

This is the day that the Lord has made;
   let us rejoice and be glad in it.
                             Psalm 118:24

scattered thoughts from my scatterbrain

Christmas was amazing. Fun celebrations with family - just couldn't ask for more. (and yes...there was singing!) I'm thankful for every moment spent with my siblings, parents, in-laws, kids, and husband.

Kids headed back to school this week, so things are getting a bit more "normal" around here.  I was ready for them to quit playing so much X-box, that's for sure. I'm still trying to get the house back - always seems to take a while to recover from the stuff that takes over during the holidays.

I'm 3 treatments in on my 4-on, 2-off plan.  #4 is tomorrow. To say i'm dreading it is a severe understatement. The nausea seems to be hanging on this time...still struggling with it.  But a lot of it is mental. I can't even look at the piece of paper that has my appointment information on it without feeling sick.
Really.
Talking about treatments makes me feel sick. Thinking about it makes me feel sick. It's best if I can somehow just keep it completely out of my mind. Not an easy task.
Trying to keep myself busy/distracted helps, of course. Working on the laundry/housework is good. However, i'm really tired a lot, so i find myself on the couch or in bed checking my phone or watching tv/movies. This last round I was in bed all day Saturday or Sunday and watched Star Wars, The Empire Strikes Back, The Return of the Jedi, and Toy Story 1, 2, and 3.  Quite a day.  :)
I've also been enjoying marathon days of The Golden Girls.  Yes, seriously. I actually used to watch that show when it was on, so it's kind of fun to see episodes i've seen before - nostalgia. Also, Estelle Getty's "Sophia" is hilarious.

I hate being so tired all the time.

And my hair is falling out. It's freaking me out lately. I'm only washing it 1x per week now in an effort to hold onto what's left. It is soooo thin. I used to wear ponytails all the time (all.the.time.) - but now i'm afraid it will all come out with the elastic. I got some looser ponytail holders that i'm hoping won't pull it all out (cause if you only wash 1x per week you kinda need to be able to pull it back a couple days). Anyway...we'll see how long it holds on.

Til next time...