It's been a while. I keep posting "updates" on Facebook since more people seem to use it and check it regularly. I've been thinking about this blog a lot lately though, so here I am.
I made it through the radiation treatments and time away from home. It actually went much more quickly than I thought it would. I'm happy to not have to go back up there, and very happy not to be in the apartment anymore. It was a really nice place; clean, modern, spacious - nothing to complain about for sure. However, it smelled. I'm super sensitive to smells and whoever lived there before us must have used Gain laundry detergent or dryer sheets or something bc the minute you walked in the door you were hit with a wall of scent. Or, at least I was. I highly doubt it bothered anyone else, but it made me nauseated the
minute i walked in the door. We tried having the windows open as much as possible and got some candles, but nothing seemed to work.
In any case, i won't miss that.
Now i'm home for about 4-6 weeks to let my body recover from radiation and chemo. My oncologist advised me to just enjoy being home and not having any kind of treatments. I still struggle with nausea (ugh) and staying hydrated is proving difficult. Nothing sounds good to drink and I feel like when I do drink something i feel like it makes me more nauseated. No fun.
I'm hoping to be more active while i'm home, if the pain will stay away. And by "active" I mean like taking a stroll/walk every now and then.
And trying not to think about all of the "what nexts". I know for sure I will have to go up for more scans (the whole battery) so the surgeons can look at them and decide if they can do anything. It's really scary for me to think about, so I try to keep my mind off it. There's a lot of "what ifs" when I think about the what nexts...
I'm happy to be able to be here to enjoy the boys' activities. Charlie will have his first football game this week. I will be able to go watch the boys run XC this week and be here for the homecoming festivities. All good stuff.
Trying to plan for family pictures (ie: trying to figure out what the heck we will be wearing) as well as Tyler's senior pictures.
Charlie was on his phone the other day and said "mom, have you heard of this?". It was some article about something in a certain wasp that supposedly can fight cancer. He said "i see stuff like this all the time".
Totally broke my heart. I hate that at the age of 12 he's reading articles about possible cancer fighters and is already alarmed that the pharmaceutical companies are more interested in money than finding a cure (yep, he actually said that). I wish he didn't have to have this weighing on him. It's been weighing on ME that he's been thinking about stuff like that. Takes me to the "what ifs" and what he might have to deal with. Hard not to think about all of it.
Another thing that's been weighing on me for some reason is church.
I know, right?
Well, the thing is...we just don't go. I'm not sure why it's not a priority for me, but for some reason it's just not. I've still been working on reading the bible, still praying, still feel secure in my relationship with God...but church? Just can't seem to get there. Charlie will be going through confirmation soon, and part of that is church attendance....so we will have to be better about getting there. Makes me feel even more guilt about not going!
My devotional this morning started out like this:
Rest in Me, my child. This time devoted to Me is meant to be peaceful, not stressful. You don't have to perform in order to receive My love.
I love when stuff like that happens. I haven't picked up my devotional in a few weeks, and this is how today's passage began? I know God could hear what was on my heart and sent me to the devotional this morning. I needed that.
Lead me by Your truth and teach me, for You are the God who saves me. All day long I put my hope in You. Psalm 25:5
