I've been putting updates on Facebook - since it seems like more people check there more often and it's easy for me to post from the car on the way home from Rochester - so i've been neglecting this blog a bit. However, this is always a good way for me to just say what's on my mind and gives me a little mental release. I need to remember that for myself.
So, recent trip to Mayo was okay. Wouldn't it be nice to be able to say it was great? That we got amazing news? I know my kids are hoping that every time. I hate having to tell them - the tumor is still there. i still have cancer.
Anyway, everything is the same scan-wise, and the dr feels like it's time to move on to the "next step" in treatment which will be radiation/chemo. We will get scheduled for appointments with radiology sometime in the next few weeks. There will be a bit of "set up" work, and then we will get rolling. It will be 5 weeks of daily radiation along with a pill form of chemo. I'm not overly concerned with radiation, but the daily chemo scares the bejeebers out of me.
The other thing is that I might have to move up to Rochester for 5 weeks. My doctor acted like that was what he personally would want, but will leave that up to the radiologist to decide. Not the ideal situation for me, but I know I can do it (like all of this....i know i can, i just wish i didn't have to).
In the meantime, I have been feeling really well. I have some pain every now and then, but nothing that knocks me down too much. My energy level is pretty good. I can go for walks and keep up with the dog - which if you know my dog that's not an easy feat. I'm hoping to maybe start up with some yoga soon. My body is so stiff and tight, i could use some stretching! And on the definite "plus" side, I don't have to have the heavy hitting chemo anymore. To be honest, that was the one thing I was hoping for from the Mayo visit. Please, just no more chemo and sickness.
Charlie asked me a question a few weeks ago that threw me for a loop. It was a simple question that turned pretty profound to me very quickly.
He asked, "Mom...when you are cured from this, will you go back to work?"
It stopped me dead in my tracks. I was speechless for a minute. Not about thinking about going back to work....but the fact that he so matter-of-factly said "when you are cured..."
I had to stop myself from saying "well....if i get cured..."
In his head it is so clearly a question of WHEN. There's no IF.
And it got me to thinking....maybe I need a bit of an attitude adjustment. Maybe I should start thinking more in terms of when and not if.
It's definitely something that will take some work. I am always trying to focus on the positives and keep a general positive attitude. But changing an if to a when is no small task.
Challenge accepted.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5
When I am afraid, I put my trust in you
In God, whose word I praise --
in God I trust and am not afraid.
Psalm 56:3-4
